AHH! It's finally here.I leave tomorrow to embark on an incredible journey. Tomorrow I will finally be where I feel I belong. I have so desperately been waiting for this day. It has almost become my hope. To know that I will be doing what I know I am supposed to be doing. That’s not too common in my life. I tend to live a day to day life, waiting to hear for more direction. Sometimes, He gives little glimpses, but not full answers. Other times He tells me very clearly where I should go next.
I cannot explain how ready I am. I am not anticipating the excitement that this work will entail, but rather I am so very ready to be in the midst of persecution, redemption, and surrender. I cannot imagine what God will do. I have been asked many times leading up to this day, “What do you expect to see from God?” And to be entirely honest, I do not know what to expect. Of course, I expect for Him to work in ways that I cannot dream about. I expect Him to speak through us so that His kingdom is seen. But when it comes to what do I expect Him to do in my heart, I don’t have a clue. I have been thinking about how we set expectations for God. Not a bad thing at all, but what if the expectations we hold Him to are not what we need. What if we expect for God to strengthen our faith, but before that we have to experience God. I think in my own life, I tend to hold expectations that I know God can fulfill, but will he? He knows my heart and motives better than I do, so if I am praying for something, what if God first needs to fill us in a different area?
Colossians chapter four has been my anchor. When I meditate on these words from God, I am not only filled with new wisdom, but also courage and direction. I have been asking God to just send me off with a message that I can understand and then share it. For a long time, I felt like God was not going to honor that request prior to my trip. I knew He would provide, but I also knew it would be in His time. Let me share Colossians 4:1-6 with you:
“Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison-that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you out to answer each person.”
I would not call this a worry, but rather a hesitation. I have been just dwelling on how little I know about God, about his Word, about Christ. It is such an easy foothold for the enemy to step in. I will never be as wise as I want to be. I will be as wise as God pleases for me to be. I don’t know all the answers. And that is the beauty of Christ. I don’t have to know all the answers. There are secrets that God knows solely because our simple minds cannot comprehend such a vast amount of wisdom, and such a God who pours that wisdom on us. A sinful worldly creature, yet he is gracious enough to grant me the wisdom that I so much desire. I don’t get it. But this is why I have to go. I have to go and tell of the love that cannot be experienced any other way. Not only by obligation or obedience, but because I simply cannot keep my mouth shut!
I trust that God will keep the promise that he speaks of in Col 4. ‘that God may open to us a door for the word.’ And he will.
So as I continue to prepare for this trip, I leave with that hopeful word. To pray continually with thanksgiving, for God to open a door so that we can proclaim the name of Christ. To walk in wisdom, using my time well, to speak with grace and with salt so that they may thirst for Christ, and in doing this, the Spirit with speak for me.
Walking in His presence. Loving every minute.
