If you had 'a penny for my thoughts' you'd be on your way to material wealth. Because my mind has been racing with thoughts and a huge mix of emotions. I'm working on gathering those thoughts and identifying my emotions from Christ's. But I'm still working, and I believe it will take time to make sense of what is going on up there in my 'ole noggin. Don't expect eloquence or a well-written post. I'm far from poise, and far from a well collection of thoughts, ideas, stories...bear with me, if you will.
Goodbyes suck. In fact I don’t believe in them, only ‘see you later’s’. I feel like I’ve dealt with a fair share of goodbyes this time. Yes, I know with some, these goodbyes are only temporary and a great dobrodošli (welcome!) awaits me and my temporary goodbyes in Heaven. I do find comfort in that, but even as I write this, tears are filling my eyes (tears have been a close accomplice of mine lately. I see it as God’s humbling touch upon such a prideful human as myself. Simply because I hate to cry). It’s not the idea of possibly never seeing them again. But rather, it’s the realization of how precious those who hold a ‘temporary goodbye’ have become. I do my absolute best to try and avoid attachments, because I know that ‘see you later’s’ are inevitable. But sometimes it just happens. And when it does, it’s with the most Christ centered people I’ve come across. Those who’ve invested in my molding to become more like Christ. That’s why it sucks. I know that I’m guaranteed to see them again, but having to think and then actually separate from the most revolutionary people in my life…it just hurts. I know it’s only a physical separation, but it’s still tough. That’s why the ‘goodbye’ or even, the ‘see you later’ is hard no matter what; because it’s leaving the security of someone who has so quickly engulfed me in the refining love of Christ. It’s not as simple or emotionless as it may seem. How do I even begin to explain to someone their significance in my life? I wouldn’t change the opportunity of meeting and serving alongside some of the most Kingdom provoking individuals I’ve been privileged enough to encounter. Except for my ‘see you later’s’ and ‘goodbyes’, they would become absent from my vocabulary.
