To Get A Picture

Listening in Croatia

At the beginning of this journey I heard God specifically tell me that I needed to go and be in a total state of vulnerability. I was confident that He would bless these efforts and walk before me as began to obey his calling. However, I think when I got here, I forgot that I was here to be used for him and that was only possible when I would be entirely surrendered and dependent upon him. It’s been a loving cycle of brokenness. He keeps holding onto me and drawing me closer to him. It’s a very humbling thing to be in such a state of brokenness that I physically, spiritually, and mentally am constantly handing everything over to him. I can’t explain why or how I came to this state, other than the Spirit has just been burdening me for the people that I am encountering. Not just in Croatia, but in Eastern Europe. I have passed so many wandering bodies; lifeless humans, walking around with little to no purpose. They don’t understand what it means to be loved unconditionally. They don’t know what it feels like to have complete satisfaction in Christ. And since they don’t know, they substitute it with whatever they see satisfactory; even if it is just temporary.
It hasn’t been easy. I don’t think God intended for it to be easy. However, at the same time, it’s been incredibly natural. Natural because it is what God is doing. It is what He desired for me, and I finally caught onto this beautiful plan of his. I realize that I am only a “tree in a much more beautiful story about a forest” (Donald Miller). I guess the difficult part is how quickly I have fallen in love over here. With the culture, the people, the ministry. And then knowing I have to go back to America, while I feel my heart is here, in Europe. But it’s not God who changes depending on the country I am in. He is constant, everywhere. It’s my heart that changes; I convince myself that my ministry is not in America, though it is. My ministry is everywhere. And I have to keep reminding myself of that. Because it is so hard to trust that God will continue to reveal a mystery; especially one where you truly feel that you are not supposed to be in the place you call ‘home’.
I have never heard the Spirit give so many glimpses of what is to come. My mind is racing. God has been placing ideas, desires, passions, loves, whatever and my mind is going ninety to nothing! Of course, it’s been so exciting. At the same time, now I have to wait. It’s an amazing thing when God reveals such desires of his heart colliding with yours and gives you a peak of what He has planned. Breathtaking and a constant revelation of his sovereignty. My God is so beautiful.
So it looks like I’m back to where I started. Walking. Listening. Waiting. And I am loving every second of it. Praying for a patient heart and a keen ear to hear the Spirit.
I am so in love with my Creator.