I am a horrible receiver, a prideful person, struggling to accept everything from love, support, to just help. The irony is that I love to serve people; I love to give in whatever way that looks like. I truly find joy in it. But when others turn and try to bless me, I get uncomfortable. I don’t want to accept it; I want that person to use it for someone/something else. How hypocritical, how prideful am I? As a friend put it, “that seems like a slap in the face to the Holy Spirit.” Yep. As much as I want to deny that I have not been doing that, I know good and well that a pure blessing is from the Father; no human can grant that. So, when my heart refuses or struggles to receive anything, I’m struggling to receive from Him. I suppose I don’t have a good grasp on what it looks like to be blessed by others. To me, the worst part about this is that I know the root of it. I know the source, pride. But the fix is what kills me. Humility has to be one of the most difficult redemptive characteristics. -Thank you Father for desiring to mold me- Because it strips you of who you are to this world, who you are to others. The result: dirt, cleansed away and the pureness of Christ manifested in my heart.
Thinking about it, I used to only tag this whole receiving thing with gifts. But now, it’s like everything falls underneath it. And it makes sense. It makes sense why it’s hard for me to accept every little stinking thing. Pride.
Jesus, just please, gently or painfully, however. Strip away these layers of pride.
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